Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
