I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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