Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize