i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Randomize
