i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
