I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
