I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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