I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
