it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
