i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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