2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
