just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
