I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
