Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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