have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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