Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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