I got chris browned last night
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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