genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
