im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize