a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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