I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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