Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
