Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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