Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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