i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
