like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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