My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
