so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
