She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize