when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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