Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
