I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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