you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
