We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
