I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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