I wish I only lived at night.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
