I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize