The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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