sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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