We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
