one might say we're banned from that church
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
