You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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