Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
