Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
