I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
