So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
