apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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