I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
