I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
