You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
