Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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