every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
