I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
