I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
