I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
COCAINE IS GR8
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize