ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
