Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize