i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
