he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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