As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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