I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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