There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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