Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
