thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize