I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
