she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
