Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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