why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
