fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize