You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
