So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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