we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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