glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
