I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize