so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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