It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
why didn't you poke me back
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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