is your mom at the bar?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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