someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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