Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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