Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
