Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
