I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
