matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
