You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
