dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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