Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
