and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
