Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
