Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
