I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
