that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
