She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
