I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
