he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
