Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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