where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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