I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just found puke in my bra..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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