I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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