i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
