Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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