you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
